Moving Past Your Fears in Divorce

Moving past your fear
Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
— Marie Curie

“Knowledge is power.” Fear is our own creation, a phantom of our negative thinking. Fear is a feeling and not a fact. When we look at the facts and gather information, we can use our understanding and our clear thinking to generate optimism and hope—a positive and fearless outlook. Here are some ways to meet the most immediate fears that divorce brings up, those involving how we will continue to pay the bills:

“I’m afraid I won’t get a fair share of our family’s assets in this divorce.”

The solution to this fear is first to determine what these assets are and then what they are worth. The more you know about what you own, the more empowered you will feel. If your family finances are simple, it may not be difficult to divide the assets. If they are more complex with multiple homes, non-liquid investments, employer stock-options, family-owned companies, etc., it will take more investigating and perhaps the aid of a financial advisor to sort things out. Learning all you can about what you have to work with will help you fight fear with knowledge.

“I’m afraid of not knowing what I will have after the divorce.”

This fear of the unknown can once again be countered best with information. Once you know what the family assets consist of and what they are worth, you can take a closer look at how they can be useful to you in your new life. Your attorney or financial advisor can help you understand what your post-divorce finances will look like. Making a post-divorce budget will help you see the big picture of your financial future.

“I’m afraid of not knowing what my lifestyle will look like after the divorce.”

Once again, fear of the unknown is at work. Your post-divorce budget, created with all the information you have gathered about your financial picture, can help with the facts about your money. How you feel about your new life, will you be fearful or hopeful, is in your hands. Everyone has concerns about cash flow and financial well-being. With the help of skilled and compassionate advisors, you can create the life you want. Although the scenery may be changing, we can learn to stop scaring ourselves and begin trusting ourselves to be capable navigators.