How to Move On If Your Ex Left You for Another Woman

The only thing harder than getting through the emotional roller coaster that is divorce? Getting through it when you know your ex has moved on with someone new.  Here then, is advice for moving on when your ex has left you for someone else.

1. Take it one day at a time. Know that there was nothing you could have done differently. They made the choice to leave you for someone else.  This is not your fault and it is not about you.  Meaning—it is about HIS issues.

2.  Do not spend inordinate amounts of time trying to unearth the details of your ex’s relationship with the “other woman.”  Once you know what you need to know to end the relationship, nothing good comes from sleuthing around to find out all the details of his new relationship.  That is “death by a thousand paper cuts.”  It’s self-inflicted torture.

3.  Do not draw your kids into a hate fest of their father’s new paramour.  This only hurts your kids.  Unless your ex is an abusive father, the children generally benefit from time with both parents.  Sometimes, however, your ex will put the new girlfriend’s interests ahead of the children.  In this case, your kids need you to be the ROCK.  And by that, I mean, you need to be there for them double time.  Navigating this is quite possibly the hardest part of moving through divorce with grace.  But if you can manage it, you will grow in ways you cannot imagine—and so will your kids. 

4.  The hardest thing for people on the outside to understand is that there is no timeline for getting through this.  It’s like grieving a death.  It comes and goes in waves.  One day you feel strong, then you see him with the girlfriend at a Little League Game or school event and it feels like the world is ending all over again.  Your mantra:  This too shall pass. You will not die from a divorce.

5. Don’t go after the other woman or her friends — they didn’t make the oath to you. Anger and frustration can fester and in the end it only hurts you. Find an outlet and get those feelings out. You didn’t cheat, your ex did. Mourn the loss of him and your marriage, then go forward.

6. You’re going to have to grieve. Through this process, you may realize some important things.  You may realize that there are things you need to work on for your own personal growth. There may be a period of reconstruction, where you literally rebuild yourself from the ground up.  And in doing so, you create a new and better version of you.  This is called evolution.  And there will come a day when you realize that you could not have become this new and better version of you without this challenging life experience.

7. Take care of yourself. The fact that someone left you doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love. It means that he was unable to provide it.  We all have within us the spark of the Divine.  You are worthy.  You are loveable.  And in fact, you may find a deep wellspring of love within, now that your ex and his negative energy is gone. 

8. Embrace all the little things you love but your ex never cared about. Enjoy sleeping in the middle of the bed and eating at the restaurants your ex didn’t like. Go and do what you want, when you want. Enjoy the time alone and with your family.  And go to where the love is, which if you have children, is with them.  That is real, authentic, unconditional love.  Immerse yourself in it.

9. Live well.  You will be happier without him. Focus on doing things that make you and the kids happy. Live the life you’ve always wanted — the one you may have put on the back-burner for your ex. It’s your time now.

10. Get to the gym and get your endorphins flowing.  Get on the yoga mat and practice being inwardly calm and at peace.  Get outside and feel the air and sun.  Live. 

11. Show yourself patience and love. See a counselor and work through your issues with them. Avoid discussions about it at work or on Facebook. Gossip doesn’t move you forward and out of your angst.  It just generates more negative energy. Staying stuck in the same story prohibits the flow of positive, life giving energy.  This is the key to moving on—generating positive energy flow.  Now that he’s gone, you can do this.  Chances are, his negative energy was sapping you and you may not have even been aware of it.  Time to recharge!

12. Thank your ex for not wasting your time anymore. Look at it this way: They did you a favor. Your ex is someone else’s problem now. The future is yours.  You are FREE!

Ann Grant